About Beer Can Chicken

[Friday’s post 1-16-2009]

Steve, from the nude blog, reminded me that some people actually read this blog apart from my wife and my mother. Also, said people don’t live in my country (or state to you Statism lovers) and beer can chicken is a foreign idea to you. So bare with me as I attempt to translate how this all works.

First, You’ll need

  1. Purchase, Raise, or some how legally procure a five pound bird. My preference is a chicken but a Quetzalcoatlus works just fine I hear.
  2. A seasoning you are partial to, to rub down your foul [or insert crude joke here].
  3. A can of beer that you don’t mind not drinking the half of. If you can’t think of one, then just try buying a six pack and drink the other five while you use the poor sixth beer for cooking.
  4. Charcoal
  5. BBQ pit
  6. *optional* a beer-can chicken stand.

Note: If your foul is still looking you in the eye then you must take its life in a fashion that is agreeable to your moral code. I usually have mine watch five hours of “Full House”.

Another note: Once your future dinner date has passed, prepare it by removing all feathers, neck, and inner workings. If you buy yours from the store it should already be like this and if not talk to the manager.

Another Another note: Give that co….foul a rub down down with the rub unless you don’t wanna’

First thing is first! Set up your BBQ pit for indirect grilling. Indirect grilling is just basically moving the hot coals in a circle or piles at the edge of your BBQ pit. The objective is to NOT have the food directly over the hot coals…..hence the indirect part.

Now drink half of the beer that you set aside for the cooking of your bird. Savor the flavor! Now I have to step in here. If you prefer real beer. I mean REAL beer and not that piss commercial water we drink and labeled AS beer then do the following: Pour out a commercial beer all the way. When that can is empty you wash it out and half way fill it with your choice of BEER. The idea is to put good beer in the can…which… I am sure you figured out if you are already drinking BEER.

Now here is where the magic happens. Take the can of beer in one hand and your foul in the other. Go Spartan 0n this bird and shove that can up it back end cavity. Yuuuuuup. Shove that can up the birds arse. Now set your sodomized foul on the grill so it stands up. Display it to your grill in all its violated glory.

*Optional* I usually stick an orange in the next of the bird

Now for the next 30 minutes plus, rotate the bird on its axis. There are going to be cool “spots” in your grill and rotating your birds ensures even cooking. Every 20 minutes or so, poke the bird in the thickest part. You should start seeing clear juice. Once you do, then cook it for another 30 minutes. That’s just my experience.

Once the bird is done, put on some gloves and extract the gerb……I mean beer can from the rear end of the chicken. Put the bird on a plate and servce to your amazed and maybe horrified dinner company.

So there you go! Beer can chicken

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