El Rancho de Braco


For those of you that don’t know, I live in Texas. The country of, not the state of. The only “state of” here in Texas is the state of mind. Just a little primer for you non-Texas folks. Nothin’ personal

Living in Texas means that summer gets hot, or so they tell me. Then again I have been called crazy for playing golf in 108° heat with a long sleeve shirt and blue jeans. I just don’t see it getting hot down hear but I’ll take everyones word on it. On a side note, Yankees steer clear during the summer. I’ve seen several of you poor folks melt on the sidewalk and I just can’t take it anymore. I can still hear the screams!

ok…….crud. I think I misplaced the point of this post. Under the keyboard…no. hmmmm, in the desk draw…noooo, oh here it is! So the heat! So we got a lil’ one, and a medium one, and a wifey one, and a grandma one living out at the ranch. No sooner than the sun hitting the roof in the middle of the afternoon does the house turn into a sauna.

Now I was figuring that since we live out in the open (sort of), and the house is kind old (meaning poor insulation), and living on top of a hill (meanin’ closer to the sun) that things would indeed get kind of hot. I always resolved to tackle the problem by putting in new insulation and maybe putting ceiling fans in every room.

Now imagen my surprise when I go to crawl under the house (remember I am networking my house and putting in new phone line) and it is cool and I can feel air pressure. In fact it was cool enough to take a nap under the house. This got me to thinking! So after my nap… I start crawling around so I can determine where this cool air pressure is coming from.

Lo and behold I discover a huge hole in my belly paper (A moisture proof layer of plastic under the house) and my A/C system scattered on the ground. Looking at the A/C duct that is still attached to the house there is a 13″ gap, as in not there, in the A/C duct. Better said, the A/C is blowing from the system and into the duct work. The air then attempts to travel this 13″ gap back into the other side of this gap to supply a flow of air pressure and conditioned air to the house. Hard to apply both when you do not have a solid, one piece, system! But I’ll be tickled if my A/C system isn’t working its damnist to make it happen.

Now as I look around I can see huge claw marks……somdamn’ mammal has made a scratchin’ post of my A/C system! Judging by the size of the claw marks it could be a dog, coyote, or bobcat or something freaking huge. I swear on everything holy (all of which exist in Texas) that I’ll make a hat out of whatever did this to my house!

Now I got some local folks comin’ out to take a look at it (for free I might add). We’ll see how much this will cost me. I also gave the insurance folks a call so I can file a claim and at first it wasn’t going well.

Me: Yes, hello James. My policy number is xxxxxxxxxxxxx

James the insurance claim taker: ok, Bryan what can I do?

Me: well I need to file a claim. It seems some critter has taken a fancy to the finer things in life. I believe it found my A/C to be palletable and has commenced to make a feastie out of my A/C duct work.

James: Huh?

Me: Some critter destroyed my A/C ducts

James: Oh…..well Bryan I don’t believe your insurance covers animal damage.

Me: Really? Well, that is disappointing. Well, what am I going to tell their maker?

James: I don’t follow you sir

Me: Their maker….you know, God. The good lord, Christ O’ Mighty, The big guy, Buddy Christ? he is going to be awful upset over this and I am sure that he doesn’t approve of the critters actions.

James: Sir, I don’t know if I am authorized to talk about theology with customers.

Me: I understand but I am just try to determine what I am going to tell him since he is their custodian.

James: I…..uh….*sigh*..what are you saying

Me: Well, since he made them and rules over them, any act that they make is an act that he makes. Simple commerce law. Nothing do difficult.

James: *Silence*

Me: *Silence*

James *Silence*

Me: *Silence*

James: Ok, I’ll have a claims adjuster call you today

Me: Thank you James

James: *click*

1 thought on “Bobcats”

  1. Nice way to explain an ‘act of god’ even though last time I checked you were the last person to claim anything was an ‘act of god’.


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