How many times have I tried to pick up writing again and then fall on my face? Should I instead look at the number of times I tried instead of the failure, right?
The last couple of years have been pretty hard. Depression is not something that is talked about when you are injured. It is something you learn about and quickly. I know I did and it took me a long time to accept it but I finally did. Then I was able to start the long road of recovering.
I had to swallow my pride and that took a long time too! I went from an awesome career that made a difference to selling paint at a hardware store. Then I worked in several clinics as a medical assistant and then moved on to teaching healthcare at a local college. Now I teach advanced health care to physicians, nurses, paramedics, etc.
Nothing has been easy and it has been a lot of self discovery. My most painful one so far is learning my relationship with my partner was toxic. Not that she is a bad person but our relationship with each other was toxic. What we needed from each other is not what the other could provide. It didn’t take long for that “need” to turn into resentment and the lashing out and fights started. Something was said to me that could not be taken back and clarity hit …… I filed, it was over and that was the first right thing our relationship needed.
I was able to get out of her way and allow my former partner the room she needs to develop herself. She has had a rocky start and continues to hold on to anger, as I did when I got hurt. I know when the time comes and she reaches the point of self-analysis she will do well. She is smart and can be a driven individual but, like me, blaming others comes first before acceptance.